


Loving You Was Like Taking a Shot to the Heart

by silverstarsinthedark



Category: The Maze Runner (2014), The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Newmas - Freeform, newtmas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-25 00:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2601344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverstarsinthedark/pseuds/silverstarsinthedark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was so bloody in love with Thomas and he couldn't do one thing about it.</p><p>  Every one of those feather-light loving touches, each gentle kiss, each lingering glance stole his breath away, and his heart cracked just that little bit more at all those bittersweet memories.</p><p>  "Tommy," he breathed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loving You Was Like Taking a Shot to the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Heeyy! :D :D I was feeling a tad bit mopey yesterday, so I came up with this really angsty one-shot. No spoilers for the series, actually, since this is an AU. I hope you all enjoy this lil' fic and happy reading! :)

_'I need your love, I need your time, when everything's wrong, you make it right.'_  
  
 _-Ellie Goulding, 'I Need Your Love'_  
  
  
\--  
  
  
  Snowflakes.  
  
  They surrounded him, brushed against his pale skin, enveloped him in an unforgiving icy grip. They landed in his hair, on his cheekbones, on his lips.  
  
  They were everywhere.  
  
  But, somehow, Newt was numb to it all.  
  
  The icy, consuming ache in his heart far outweighed the comparatively lukewarm snowflakes.   
  
  It threatened to not only consume his heart, but his entire being. His life, his essence, his soul. Everything.  
  
  And Newt didn't mind a single bit.  
  
  He absently wondered when he had become like this; a blubbering, depressed hot mess. Completely broken-down, completely torn. His heart ripped to shreds, only the gnawing ache of the ice inside his heart reminded him that he was still alive, still suffering.  
  
  He didn't think that he would ever feel such pain again, and that he would forever stay free from the agonizing clutches of pain if -- if only he died.  
  
  If he died.  
  
  Newt should've known to stay away the moment he had seen bright amber eyes; full, plush lips; and a smile that threatened to light up the entire world.  
  
  He should've known.  
  
  But he didn't, and like a shucking bloody idiot, he went ahead and fell head-over-heels for bloody Tommy.  
  
  And now he couldn't go back.  
  
  Newt was tempted to bury himself under the thick, white, fluffy snow and die from either suffocation or hypothermia -- whichever one came first.  
  
  It was a nice thought.  
  
  It would be wonderful to get rid of all this pain, all this hurt, all this depression -- but Newt knew he couldn't do it.

  No, because at the end of the day, he was still too much of a bloody coward, and too much of a selfish prick.  
  
  He still needed to see those smiles, see those eyes light up in happiness and love, and hopefully, hopefully -- feel those warm lips press against his own again.  
  
  He was so bloody in love with Thomas and he couldn't do one thing about it.  
  
  Every one of those feather-light loving touches, each gentle kiss, each lingering glance stole his breath away, and his heart cracked just that little bit more at all those bittersweet memories.  
  
  "Tommy," he breathed, and clutched himself tightly as sobs ripped their way out of his chest.  
  
  His breathing was strangled and ragged as he stared heatedly at the snow at his feet. His hands gingerly moved to grab the sides of the park bench he was sitting on, and his grip tightened as he struggled to remember what had happened only a few hours before. He had to remember, he had to remember...  
  
  He _had to_ instill a strong sense of hate in himself for Tommy, and then, and then... He could move on. He had to bloody move on.  
  
  But then the memories flashed by in his mind; vague pictures of a pretty brunette catching sight of Tommy, that same girl seductively moving towards him and greeting him with a sultry, "Hey, Thomas," before wrapping her arms around his neck like she had done it a million times before, and pressed her lips to Thomas'. And while Newt's mind was reeling with the fact that some unknown girl knew his boyfriend's name, and that that same girl had kissed Thomas, his Tommy -- Thomas had kissed her back.  
  
  Newt had never felt more shocked or heartbroken in that moment.  
  
  Thoughts flooded his head -- unbounded, ruthless questions, -- as Thomas' dark, wide eyes caught sight of his; what was going on? Was Tommy cheating on him? Was that girl some sort of secret girlfriend? And, most importantly, did what they had shared over the past five months mean nothing? Nothing at all?  
  
  Even though the kiss had only lasted a span of about two seconds before Thomas' eyes had widened in realisation at what he was doing and he had pushed the brunette away, the damage had already been done.  
  
  Newt could only see red, he could only feel the pain and horror creep into his mind as agony clutched at his heart. He gasped for air as he tried to fight the suffocating feeling.  
  
  After that, he had ran.  
  
  He had ran so damn far away.  
  
  And now, here he was. Alone.  
  
  _Just like he was from the start._  
  
\--

  As the day faded into night, and the temperature of the air dropped to an almost freezing point, a silhouetted figure clad in black hurried towards the lone park bench in the distance.  
  
  Lying on the bench, huddled into a ball, was a shivering boy, dressed in clothes hardly suitable for this kind of winter.  
  
  "Shit," Thomas breathed, "Oh shit. I'm so, so sorry, Newt. Oh my god," Thomas had to choke back a sob as he hastily tore off his black outer coat and draped the coat over Newt's trembling shoulders. He quickly sat down on the bench beside Newt and gently pulled him onto his lap, wrapping his arms around the freezing blonde and burying his face into Newt's messy golden hair.  
  
  "Oh, god. I'm so, so, so sorry, Newt, I'm so sorry." Thomas mumbled into Newt's hair. "That- That girl you saw was my ex. We dated for a few weeks before we had a really bad breakup, and she's still holding it against me now. S-She wants me to go back to her, but I won't, and I don't want to. I've got you. And you're all I've ever wanted. I had never truly loved her, you were -- and still are --the only one I had ever loved." Thomas tried his best to hold in his tears and hugged Newt closer to himself.

  There was a brief silence before Newt shakily breathed out and replied.  
  
  "Then- Then why did you kiss her back?" Newt's voice was hoarse and laced with pain.  
  
  "It was completely instinctual," Thomas' voice wobbled a bit as he tried to rein in his emotions. "I- I wasn't thinking and I just responded -- a-and I know it was completely idiotic of me-"  
  
  "Yeah, it was," Newt chuckled bitterly.  
  
  "And I really should've thought carefully before I reacted, b-but I didn't and I-I'm _so, so, sorry,_ Newt. You don't have to forgive me, but I just wanted you to know that I love you, I always will, and I'd do anything you asked; I would climb the tallest mountain, swim across any sea, walk through any desert, all for you, you just have to say the words -- and I would do it all. I'm fucking in love with you, so please," Thomas felt a few tears slip out of his tear ducts. "Please don't leave me."  
  
  There was a long silence before Newt took in a deep breath -- and started sobbing loudly into Thomas' jacket. Thomas just gently cradled Newt in his arms, and hummed softly, trying to calm Newt down, his own heart racing as he did so.  
  
  "Ssh, Newt, ssh. It's okay, it's okay." Thomas repeated, kissing the top of Newt's head. "It'll be okay."  
  
  Newt hiccuped before he choked out, "I- I love you too. And I won't leave you, not now, not ever, because I'm too bloody in l-love with you to do that. I bloody love you, Tommy," Newt sucked in a breath, "So don't leave me either."  
  
  Thomas couldn't help but smile.   
  
  "I won't," he promised.

  "I definitely won't."

  
\--  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

  And he didn't.

  
\--   
  
_'I need a little loving tonight, hold me so I'm not falling apart, a little but I'm hoping it might kickstart, me and my broken heart.'_  
  
 _-Rixton, 'Me and My Broken Heart'_

**Author's Note:**

> Eeey, how did you all like the story? :D Was it too angsty? XD Thanks for reading xx Leave a kudo or a comment! <3 You people are amazingly awesome. ^o^


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